good wolf

I'm doing a happy dance, want to know why?

This morning I headed off to see my Oncologist, dragging my feet but fully accepting of my fate. With summer over, it's time to start treatment on my desmoid tumor. Treatment being a year or so taking a drug called Nexavar, which is a chemotherapy drug. Whilst it is used for liver and lung cancers, there has been success using it at a low dose to kill off desmoids. 

I have resisted starting the drug for the past year since I was first diagnosed. I dramatically changed my diet and adopted many more holistic practices hoping to heal it naturally. But at my last scan in June the Doctor confirmed it had indeed grown and he would recommend me starting treatment. Back then I asked if I could take the summer off and commence in September. He agreed and we also decided I would have a level set scan  after Labor Day and then get on with treatment.

Inch by inch

I wrote last week about my committment to start beefing up my good wolf.  To really changing my thought patterns.  I have been trying. I really have. But as I suspected this process is not fast or easy. Indeed I feel like my automatic reaction is in the other direction, like I've built a neural path way over time. Which is why it's also going to take time to retrain myself toward my more natural state of being. That state of being called love. Love in the form of kindness, compassion, peace, empathy, generosity, forgiveness and hope.