This morning I headed off to see my Oncologist, dragging my feet but fully accepting of my fate. With summer over, it's time to start treatment on my desmoid tumor. Treatment being a year or so taking a drug called Nexavar, which is a chemotherapy drug. Whilst it is used for liver and lung cancers, there has been success using it at a low dose to kill off desmoids.
I have resisted starting the drug for the past year since I was first diagnosed. I dramatically changed my diet and adopted many more holistic practices hoping to heal it naturally. But at my last scan in June the Doctor confirmed it had indeed grown and he would recommend me starting treatment. Back then I asked if I could take the summer off and commence in September. He agreed and we also decided I would have a level set scan after Labor Day and then get on with treatment.
There are plenty of reasons why I didn't want to take these drugs. Side effects ranging from nausea to exhaustion and thinning hair to start with. Then there was the direction from my Doctor that whilst on the trial I would not be able to suntan nor binge drink (which I decided was no more than 3 glasses a day or 7 per week based on healthy limits). I know both of these limits are ideal for longevity anyway, but I have to admit to being a sun worshipper since childhood - I love nothing better than relaxing in the sunshine in my bikini. Like I am in this here picture.....And whilst healthy limits should be stuck to on the alcohol front, I was feeling flat about the fact that this would need to stick when it comes to celebrations too like weddings, Christmas etc, those occassions when I like to be less moderate.
Cut to today. I sat down in front of my Oncologist. He said, Yvette you look very well, how have you been? I replied, I had an awesome summer but I am ready, I know it's time to start treatment now. He responded with "why would you want to do that, your tumor has stabalized?". WHAT?! Then we went through all my results dating back over the past 12 months and not only is it a little smaller than in June, it is also the least 'active' it has ever been. He stated emphatically he does not recommend starting my treatment now as he is hopeful that the tumor is dying of its own accord. We high fived as I left. No joke.
So where does this leave me? Regardless of some reckless behavior over summer I'm very happy to be feeling better on the sore back front and motivated to be my best self. I've reconnected more deeply with my IIN studies. I've been drinking less and eating more healthily. Getting more sleep too. All up I am in good shape and ready to book some sun loving type trips as we head toward winter in NY.
For the record, the past couple of days I did feel flat as I approached my appointment. But I must say I also felt a strong pull from my good wolf (hooray finally!). It seems with my routine back in order, summer over and my back pain subsided I have genuinely regained my equilibrium. I've said it before, but it's always good to know that no matter how far you wander from your true self, you are in the driving seat and you always have the opportunity to steer the wheel towards home. I'm home and now and I'm feeling extra happy too. Happy enough for a happy dance even!