Letting go is hard. There is comfort in the known. There is a sense of safety. But the truth is, it isn’t real, life is nothing but unpredictable. I’d go as far as to say getting too comfortable is risky. Two reasons come to mind. Firstly, something major is going to come your way and you wont be ready for it without some practice. Secondly you just have to color outside the lines sometimes to get the most out of your one precious life!
One of the most important keys to happiness is learning not just to accept change, but to welcome it. I first read the book ‘Who Moved my Cheese’ about 10 years ago. I was going through some shifts on the work front at the time. I didn’t realize I had far bigger changes (and challenges) coming my way. I’ve learned its message is just as valuable when facing major life upheaval.
This week I once again felt the winds of change in the air. At my 3 month ‘routine’ MRI, I was advised that my Desmoid Tumor has grown. This means, my best efforts with eating clean and keeping in tip top shape have failed to generate the response I was after – which was no growth thanks very much. It means I will need to start chemotherapy drugs sometime soon.
Having my desmoid has been a blessing of sorts. It started my journey into holistic health leading me to studying health coaching. And even starting this blog. I have felt empowered eating for maximum nutrition (as well as pleasure). It's sent me in a new life direction that I have thoroughly enjoyed.
As I sat in my Onocologists office last week I felt sure he would walk in and let me know that once again there had been no change. Instead he looked at me and asked if I already knew my tumor has grown. I felt sick to my stomach as he explained that in fact it has and that his strong recommendation is for me to start a drug trial, which means a low dose chemotherapy administered orally daily. Urgh.
While having to start this drug wasn’t great to hear the bigger chest pounding happened because of what it means to my beliefs. I have spent the past 8 months choosing to believe that while my oncologist is a brilliant man he didn’t learn how to manage a tumor with diet and lifestyle. I was going to show him......
After the appointment I quickly gave my family the update. My sister decided I should go straight for a burger. This made me chuckle and I was tempted but something stopped me. In the days that have followed I have decided that I don’t want to radically change my healthy eating - tumor growth or not. But, I am going to relax things a little. In particular I’ve decided a little dairy wont hurt me. Organic of course……. yogurt, ice cream and cheese. Good stuff.
What’s next? I remain a lean mean cancer fighting machine. I trust my oncologist AND I make empowered choices in how I treat my health, my body, my spirit. I take the chemotherapy drugs I’ve been recommended. Des shrinks away to nothing. And in the meantime I continue to focus on all the good stuff in my life (of which there is plenty). Starting with a trip to Ibiza this week.
Life is unpredictable but I am OK. And now I get to eat ice cream too.