Let's just cut right to the chase. My promising relationship is no more. The truth is, my intuition was telling me that something felt off. However, because of the connection & chemistry I ignored it. I told myself I have trust issues from past hurt (I have been thoroughly betrayed before). As the story goes, I should have gone with my gut, I now realize it was way ahead of my heart and head. Turns out the guy in question wasn't just having connection & chemistry with me.......It took me until after we officially called it quits to join all of the dots, but now I am certain I was dealing with what I think you could call a player. Two cities, two women. My heart = big ouch.
Gratitude is the tonic
I'm having a challenging time emotionally right now. More on that another time....For now, I'm going to take some of my own advice and focus on what I do have. Which is rather a lot to feel good and happy about.
My family have flown all the way from Australia to spend time with me in New York. Pictured here are my two nieces who really are the most adorable humans on the planet. Also my mother in the background. My sister and one of my cousins are both here too. There is nothing like the unconditional love of your family (at least that's how I feel about my family). They really are my biggest fan club and can drag me out of anything.
May all beings be happy
As we were driving to yoga on Saturday morning, my friend and I were discussing her newly broken relationship and feelings. She had spent the night restless and having felt shock and sadness to this point, anger was beginning to surface. There was a certain relief along with enormous frustration as she expressed herself. Not surprising and all very normal in dealing with grief.
I really dislike people I love being so unhappy, it's awful. But when it comes to feelings there is no magic wand. All you can do is offer love, comfort and company. Of course I reminded her that this too shall pass, but it's not all that helpful when the pain is fresh.
Honoring my inner rebel.....or not
Since finding out I need to start chemotherapy drugs in September, I have to confess my inner rebel has been having a field day. I think we all have one of these, but mine happens to be particularly powerful......It's the rebel in me that I have to thank for countless amazing experiences in my life. But it's also the rebel in me that has led me to feeling sub par on many occassions too.
When my oncologist broke the news that I need to start these drugs he also gave me a warning. The warning was, whilst I am on them (which may be for a year+) I am not to binge drink or sun tan. Holy moly, how does this doctor know me so well to understand this is a conversation he definitely needed to have?
Tribes and friendship
The word tribe has become super popular as a descripter of close knit groups in recent years. But what does it actually mean? And what is the difference between your tribe and your friends (if there even is one)?
I've been thinking about this a lot after spending my weekend with a group I feel honored to call my tribe. They are my #iguanatribe christened when we met on a yoga retreat in Costa Rica, at the Iguana Lodge. We just attended the Wanderlust yoga festival in Squaw Valley together and there was something incredibly magical about this coming back together. Trust and intimacy increased. Bonds were strengthened, love blossomed. It felt like being with your tribe should. Easy, fun, deep and powerful.
Primary food delivery
This post was inspired by my instagram feed this morning.
When I started studying with Integrative nutrition this year, I had no idea that it would have such a huge impact on my life beyond the ‘healthy food’ arena. I pretty quickly learned, however, their philosophy goes well beyond nutrition. In fact, IIN calls actual food secondary and prioritizes primary food…which is nourishment of a different nature. Specifically: spirituality, relationships, physical activity and career.
Right off the bat I was acutely aware that in terms of my own primary food, there were some gaps. Secondary food I was doing incredibly well on. I do have the physical activity part nailed. My career is set to evolve due to my studies. Spirituality needed some work and I’ve done it (thanks Gabby Bernstein). But the big gap for me was in the relationship area. At least in the part of significant other as I consider my relationships with my family and friends very strong.
Coming home
Ibiza. It sounds so exotic and downright hedonistic; when one of my very good friends organized her birthday party there I didn’t hesitate.
As things turned out, as the trip approached I also happened to have some frustrating health news that left me questioning my ability to influence my health (or at least my desmoid tumor) through diet and lifestyle. This in turn meant that I decided I deserved to take a vacation not just from work but from all the restrictions I’d put on myself in my health quest. Party time.
Change is truly the only constant
Letting go is hard. There is comfort in the known. There is a sense of safety. But the truth is, it isn’t real, life is nothing but unpredictable. I’d go as far as to say getting too comfortable is risky. Two reasons come to mind. Firstly, something major is going to come your way and you wont be ready for it without some practice. Secondly you just have to color outside the lines sometimes to get the most out of your one precious life!
One of the most important keys to happiness is learning not just to accept change, but to welcome it. I first read the book ‘Who Moved my Cheese’ about 10 years ago. I was going through some shifts on the work front at the time. I didn’t realize I had far bigger changes (and challenges) coming my way. I’ve learned its message is just as valuable when facing major life upheaval.
